Sam Levenson Quotes

You don't have to be in "Who's Who" to know what's what.

Times don't change. Men do.

I'm gonna put all my money into taxes. They're sure to go up.

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.

You can't start at the top.

Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful of books isn't poor.

We may not always see eye to eye, but we can try to see heart to heart.

How wise are Thy commandments O Lord. Each one of them applies to somebody or other I know.

When I came home and showed my mother my report card with a mark of 98 in arithmetic, she wanted to know who had gotten the other two points.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

It's not the sugar that makes the tea sweet, but the stirring.

Learn from other people's mistakes. Life is too short to make them all yourself.

The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country.

One antidote for sexual truancy lies in simply teaching youth the wonder, the miracle, the reverence for the creation of life itself. Life is a divine creation. You don't take chances with creation.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

If you want to kill time why not try working it to death.

It would be useless to bomb Washington. If you destroy one building, they already have two other buildings completely staffed with people doing exactly the same thing.

The beauty of America is that the average person always thinks she is above average.

The Puritans came to America to worship in their way and to force everybody else to do the same thing.

Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.

Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.

The longest word in the world is "a word from our sponsor."

Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.

Never lend money to a friend. It's dangerous. It could damage his memory.

Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don't compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.

The reason God made man before woman was that he didn't want any suggestions.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'

More and more Congressmen now stay in Washington all year-round because they can't stay at home under the laws they've passed.

One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts get in the way of your imagination.

There was an old Woman who lived in a shoe She had so many children Her government subsidy check came to $4,892.

If you owe fifty dollars you're a piker; if you owe fifty thousand dollars you're a businessman; if you owe fifty million dollars you're a tycoon; if you owe fifty billion dollars you're the government.

People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch to weep for others' children.

The high IQ has become the American equivalent of the Legion of Honor, positive proof of a child's intellectual aristocracy.... It has become more important to be a smart kid than a good kid or even a healthy kid.

When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?

The American success formula is first to get a home of your own, then to get a car of your own so you don't have to stay in that home of your own.

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

What we should have fought for was representation without taxation.

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.