I hate birthdays. I thought that I only hated my own birthday, and then I realized that I hate my children's birthdays too.

There's always going to be someone who hates you. There's always going to be people who love you. It's a risk in either direction.

You've got to have gumption. You've got to be willing to stand up on the stage for no money for ten years.

The people I really feel sorry for are all the writers out there who wrote these outrageous comedic romps about a grossly unqualified person who goes on to become a Vice Presidential candidate in a hotly contested presidential race. With hilarious results. They must be so bummed.

If you get mad about how your voice sounds when it comes out of your own mouth, it's not really my fault. Go ahead and be yourself.

It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback.

I am a cookbook fanatic.