I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.

I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by; that's one freedom I have.

Some things are just for private. It's like people thinking I'm cold or this or that. It's unfortunate, but I don't need strangers to know that I'm warm. I don't need strangers to know the real me.

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

I feel so confident and awesome and sexy when I'm with people who are older than me, and I've always been surrounded by people who are older than me. But to be vital in comedy, you have to exist in a world that's dominated by young people.

I am diagnosed with not having enough insanely-addictive drugs coursing through my body.

The truth is, I've denied it for years, but I love deconstructing comedy.