I'm lucky because I intentionally keep my overhead low, and so I can say, "No, thank you."

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.

People say, like, "I love when you smile because part of your mouth goes up," then I never organically smile again.

I was a bedwetter until I was about 15, and it was humiliating.

It's just hard to say, "Well, I do this, which means this." If I'm telling you exactly who I am, then there's nothing for the audience to say.

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.