I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.

I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by; that's one freedom I have.

I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.

I am Jewish and proud of this culturally and ethnically - the ways in which I was born this way and am happy with whom I am.

Some things are just for private. It's like people thinking I'm cold or this or that. It's unfortunate, but I don't need strangers to know that I'm warm. I don't need strangers to know the real me.

Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.

I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.