I think I've been called edgy - but in all honesty, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot. Unless you're just listening to buzz words and not taking into account the context of the situation, you see I'm always the ignoramus.

Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!

People say I'm a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that the absolute power of that transcends, and reaches the audience.

And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.

If I don't do stand-up for two weeks, I get freaked out.

Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.

I don't need a lot of space.