I became known for surprising audiences. Except now, if I surprise them every time, they expect that.

I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by; that's one freedom I have.

Comedy can't live within my second-guesses, so I started doing new material. Sometimes I bombed. But you have to be willing to if you want to move forward and stay vital. It's like people who take pride in not having a computer. I'm all, "Great, don't learn new things! Your brain is full!"

I am diagnosed with not having enough insanely-addictive drugs coursing through my body.

If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.

One of the greatest things my therapist said to me ... and it really blew my mind in the greatest way, he just said, "Look in the mirror less."

The sun shines directly on this great country, and it can be harvested, it's not owned by anybody. It's something the Jews and the Palestinians share and could work together to make the whole world a better place, not just this Middle East stuff, but the whole world.