The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17.

You have to take the chance to bomb and disappoint audiences.

All comics want to be musicians. There's a part of me that wants to be a serious musician. I love songs about heartache and heartbreak.

Sometimes I am screwing around, and sometimes I get way too serious, but I am a pretty sincere person.

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.

I really think everything is fair game.

Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.