Summer camp: the second worst camp for Jews.

Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

I feel so confident and awesome and sexy when I'm with people who are older than me, and I've always been surrounded by people who are older than me. But to be vital in comedy, you have to exist in a world that's dominated by young people.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

I think Jews tend to hold me in fairly high regard.

I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I'm just completely alone.

I dress normal because I want people to treat me regular. And their brains explode. It's really fun.