If I don't do stand-up for two weeks, I get freaked out.

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

I don't think comedy comes from hotbeds of doing shtick. I think it usually comes from some kind of childhood humiliation or darkness.

And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.

It feels weird in our ear holes to hear people worshipping a guy named Ron. We know Rons in our life.

If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean.

Being with friends felt like a burden. I remember just sobbing.