I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says, "I want pussy!" Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but he was talking about me!

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.

You have to take the chance to bomb and disappoint audiences.

People who follow their religion to the letter of the law are just silly. I mean, I want to tell Hasidic Jews I promise you, God will not mind if you wear a nice cotton blend in the summer.

I really think everything is fair game.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.