My mom was always someone who if, even now, I say I met a certain famous person, she always says, "She's married to so and so!"

Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.

When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.

Making my family laugh when I was little - it became an addiction. It was a kind of survival.

And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.

I was sent to sleepover camp since I was 6, and you know, it's a recipe for disaster.

Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts.