My mom was always someone who if, even now, I say I met a certain famous person, she always says, "She's married to so and so!"

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.

You're supposed to have friends you can tell anything to.

That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.

Sometimes a joke that doesn't work just needs a breath or a little word or the tiniest little change to be fixed.

I first did stand-up when I was 17, and then I passed out fliers for a comedy club (in New York City) and I got onstage whenever I could. And musical theater went out the window as soon as I started doing stand-up.

In your twenties, I think you should have all of the sex that you're inclined to have, as long as you're safe about it. Use condoms and everything. Go with your instincts. This is the time to have a lot of sex and do drugs. But make sure you live through it.