Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash mine.

I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?

Comedy can't live within my second-guesses, so I started doing new material. Sometimes I bombed. But you have to be willing to if you want to move forward and stay vital. It's like people who take pride in not having a computer. I'm all, "Great, don't learn new things! Your brain is full!"

I think fake boobs have done great things for real boobs. I think people finally appreciate real boobs. People like real boobs. I do. I also enjoy the fact that they are life-nourishers.

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

I'm not wanting and I don't live in a hovel, but if you keep your costs low, you can do what you want to do creatively.

People who like what I do come in all shapes and sizes. Not sure what the common denominator is per se. Oh, it's meeee! But to be embraced by a progressive community means something to me and this one feels like home.