The best time to have a baby is when you're a black teenager.

It shows the truth - that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it.

In the big picture, life has a gap in it. It just does. You don't go crazy trying to fill it.

If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean.

Comedy can't live within my second-guesses, so I started doing new material. Sometimes I bombed. But you have to be willing to if you want to move forward and stay vital. It's like people who take pride in not having a computer. I'm all, "Great, don't learn new things! Your brain is full!"

I am Jewish and proud of this culturally and ethnically - the ways in which I was born this way and am happy with whom I am.

Dear America, when you tell gay Americans that they can't serve their country openly or marry the person that they love, you're telling that to kids too. So don't be f**king shocked and wonder where all these bullies are coming from that are torturing young kids and driving them to kill themselves because they're different; they learned it from watching you.