Scientology is weird because it's new.

I always look at myself knowing that I will have a certain degree of cognitive distortion.

I just think of myself as a comedian, really.

Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.

I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me as white.

I'm all sentimental. I've probably been ruined by romantic movies, but I really do believe in love. I've experienced it, I've had it, so I know it's real.

I feel so confident and awesome and sexy when I'm with people who are older than me, and I've always been surrounded by people who are older than me. But to be vital in comedy, you have to exist in a world that's dominated by young people.