Dear America, when you tell gay Americans that they can't serve their country openly or marry the person that they love, you're telling that to kids too. So don't be f**king shocked and wonder where all these bullies are coming from that are torturing young kids and driving them to kill themselves because they're different; they learned it from watching you.
Sarah SilvermanI looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.
Sarah SilvermanDon't tell girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't. It's like saying, 'Hey, when you get in the shower, I'm not gonna read your diary.' 'Wait--are you gonna read my diary?' 'No! I said I'm not gonna read your diary. Go take a shower!'
Sarah SilvermanI didn't feel so different until maybe, like, around third grade. Kids started blaming me for my people killing Jesus.
Sarah SilvermanJesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.
Sarah Silverman