Dear America, when you tell gay Americans that they can't serve their country openly or marry the person that they love, you're telling that to kids too. So don't be f**king shocked and wonder where all these bullies are coming from that are torturing young kids and driving them to kill themselves because they're different; they learned it from watching you.

It's just hard to say, "Well, I do this, which means this." If I'm telling you exactly who I am, then there's nothing for the audience to say.

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

I was a bedwetter until I was about 15, and it was humiliating.

All comics want to be musicians. There's a part of me that wants to be a serious musician. I love songs about heartache and heartbreak.

I like my life alone.

But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.