Anything television trivia I'm good at. But when you're on your couch, you're really good at it, but when you're standing there, it's probably scary.

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

My mom was always someone who if, even now, I say I met a certain famous person, she always says, "She's married to so and so!"

Summer camp: the second worst camp for Jews.

I think fake boobs have done great things for real boobs. I think people finally appreciate real boobs. People like real boobs. I do. I also enjoy the fact that they are life-nourishers.

And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.