Some things are just for private. It's like people thinking I'm cold or this or that. It's unfortunate, but I don't need strangers to know that I'm warm. I don't need strangers to know the real me.

I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me as white.

I don't compromise. I only do the stuff I want to do.

I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.

I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.

I don't think comedy comes from hotbeds of doing shtick. I think it usually comes from some kind of childhood humiliation or darkness.

If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.