As soon as a women gets to an age where she has opinions and she's vital and she's strong, she's systematically shamed into hiding under a rock.

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

I remember my first standup act when I was seventeen; I did a really lame song about being flat chested. I was doing it in New York, and I remember Kevin Brennan, the guy I lost my virginity to, was like "That song doesn't make sense, you have tits."

The reason the rest of us remember, like, when John Lennon died, is because it's a moment when adrenaline is surging.

I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny.

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

I like my life alone.