People say, like, "I love when you smile because part of your mouth goes up," then I never organically smile again.

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.

[I'm] almost positive there is no God.

As soon as a woman is old enough to have an opinion and have a voice and be unafraid, she's very much encouraged by all sorts of people to crawl under a rock and die. And it's so weird. My crime is not dying.

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

This is AIDS. AIDS is as real as an egg.

I was a bedwetter until I was about 15, and it was humiliating.