People say, like, "I love when you smile because part of your mouth goes up," then I never organically smile again.

I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.

I always look at myself knowing that I will have a certain degree of cognitive distortion.

If I have to write by a certain time, I can pull through, but usually I just let stuff happen, hanging out with comic friends - or bringing a basic idea on stage and seeing if it goes anywhere.

Letting your freak flag fly is something, no matter who you are, that takes great bravery, straight up.

If we can send a person to the moon, we can send someone with AIDS to the moon, and then someday we can send everybody with AIDS to the moon.

Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.