I don't know how old I am because a goat ate the Bible that had my birth certificate in it. The goat lived to be twenty-seven.

Avoid fried foods, which angry up the blood.

With women you don't have to talk your head off. You just say a word and let them fill in from there.

One time he (Cool Papa Bell) hit a line drive right past my ear. I turned around and saw the ball hit his ass sliding into second.

What's scary in life is not what people know (or don't know), but what they know that ain't so.

There never was a man on earth who pitched as much as me. But the more I pitched, the stronger my arm would get.

I don't know how old I am because a goat ate the Bible that had my birth certificate in it. The goat lived to be twenty-seven.