As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.

There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.

Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more.

If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.

I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.