Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

It's hard to argue with the government. Remember, they are they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women.

Ratbert (as lab rat, to scientist): Doc, we have to talk. Every day you feed me over a hundred pounds of macaroni and cheese. At first I thought you were just being a good host. But lately I've been thinking it could be something far more sinister.

I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.

For the record, I am not a nut. I am an optimist. That's exactly like a nut except with a better attitude.

There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.