If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.

Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click.

Writers tend to work early in the morning, or late at night, when brains are naturally able to focus deeply on one thought. In the middle of the day, distractions are unavoidable. I wonder if anything worthwhile has ever been written in the afternoon.

If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.

Beware of those who try to sell you simple answers to complex questions.

I discovered what I call the Bill Gates effect. That is, the more successful you are, the uglier you get.

A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.