Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.

I should have written that down. - Dilbert

I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.

Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.

The computer cuts my production time in half. I love it.

Recently I quit caffeine. My doctor seems to think that 17 Diet Cokes per day is too much. In case you ever consider getting off caffeine yourself, let me explain the process. You begin by sitting motionlessly in a desk chair. Then you just keep doing that forever because life has no meaning.