People are idiots. Including me. Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with the low SAT scores. The only difference is that we're idiots about different things at different times. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.

E-books are impervious to analogy.

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.

If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.

The computer cuts my production time in half. I love it.

If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.

Ideas are worthless. Execution is everything.