In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.

As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.

For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.

I believe in karma... that means i can do bad things to you all day long and assume you deserve it.

Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.