I'm going back to the old Shaq. I was normal last year - I was an earthling last summer. I had to go back to my alien roots.

Last time I looked at a [pay]check, I said to myself, 'Who the hell is FICA? And when I meet him, I'm going to punch him in the face. Oh my God, FICA is killing me.'

One time, I put up 40, 50 points dunking on Shawn Bradley. After the game, he brought his family over. He was like, 'This is my wife. She wants to take a picture.' I'm like, 'Nice to meet you.' I smile into the camera, take the picture, and then feel guilty about dunking on him so many times.

Why did it happen? The big dog got fed. And when the big dog was fed, the little dog even got some meat in there, too. Big dog owns the domain, but the little dog can go wherever he wants.

I think he got an incidental elbow in the face, messed up his pretty red lips a little bit. But other than that he'll be fine.

If I get that thing down there in that area, that's 67% lifetime. If you don't believe me, Google it. I'm on the Internet.

I don't take anything personal. I just have a certain file in my head, so Earthlings must be careful with what they say.