We killed our own hogs, we killed our own beef, we raised our own vegetables, which Mama canned. We did live off the land.

Never insult a mans beard, you either get thunder or lightning

I was in my tighty-whities and I never woke up, and I ran over a mile.

A beaver is about like the ninjas the suckers only work at night and they're hard to find.

Nap time would become a national pastime. A man needs his beauty rest!

Ice will ruin the tea. Waters it down. You can always get ice, or carry your ice in an ice container. You don't want to put it in your tea, it'll water it down.

Everybody when they saw it, they said, "Did Willie Nelson sign your hat?" I'd say, "No, that'd be Willie Knucklehead - Robertson, OK?" We were at an event for the fans and I took my hat off and set it down on the couch, and he signed it. I said, "What are you doing, idiot?" He said, "Look, I was in the zone, and you just happened to put your hat in my zone."