Everybody when they saw it, they said, "Did Willie Nelson sign your hat?" I'd say, "No, that'd be Willie Knucklehead - Robertson, OK?" We were at an event for the fans and I took my hat off and set it down on the couch, and he signed it. I said, "What are you doing, idiot?" He said, "Look, I was in the zone, and you just happened to put your hat in my zone."

I'm so dope I'm illegal in 55 states

When I sign people's stuff I put down John 3:16 and 17. Most people can tell you what 16 says, OK. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son." But they don't know nothin' about 17. It says Jesus didn't come to condemn us. If anybody had a right to condemn someone, it would be the son of God. If he didn't do it, then hey, we definitely are not qualified to do it.

Fred Astaire’s got nothing on me.

We killed our own hogs, we killed our own beef, we raised our own vegetables, which Mama canned. We did live off the land.

I'm like a fine-tuned race car. You've got to make frequent pit stops when you drink as much tea as I do.

Nap time would become a national pastime. A man needs his beauty rest!