All of my stories are 95 percent truthful.

Hey can mean anything. It can mean yes, it can mean maybe, it could mean no, it could mean next week. Hey, the bottom line is you have to understand me to understand hey.

Some people say I’m a dreamer, others say, 'If you fall asleep at work again we’re going to have to let you go'.

I know all the new phrases: 'cowabunga,' 'radical,' cat's pajamas,' 'duh,' and 'hey, homie don't play that.

I've worn it to church before. Camouflage and the other clothes.

I'm like a fine-tuned race car. You've got to make frequent pit stops when you drink as much tea as I do.

People say, "Look, your book [Tales and Wisdom from Duck Dynasty's Favorite Uncle] is about tall tales." And I said, "No, you don't understand, OK? The book is tall tales, OK, by me. But look, those tall tales are my life, OK? And look, I added some spices in there. That's the five percent. You know the one about the wolves chasing me? The only thing about that - they wasn't wolves, they was coyotes".