If you can't stand yourself, neither can anybody else!

Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.

In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed.

If you can't stand yourself, neither can anybody else!

The things I see now on TV and in movies are so outlandish. Kids doing rude things with pies! And the language that they use! It's being outrageous for the sake of being outrageous. I can't watch it. It turns me off.

A great NOW will be a great WAS! A bad NOW will always be a bad WAS, and all you can hope for is a Great GONNA BE!

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.