The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

When I did comedy I made fun of myself. If there was a buffoon, I played the buffoon. And people looked at me and said, "Gee, that's like Uncle David", or "That's like a friend of mine.". And they related through that. I didn't make fun of them. I made fun of me.

The things I see now on TV and in movies are so outlandish. Kids doing rude things with pies! And the language that they use! It's being outrageous for the sake of being outrageous. I can't watch it. It turns me off.

Jazz is a beautiful woman whose older brother is a policeman.

After all those years of doing a live, hour-and-a-half show every week, I've got nothing more I need to prove.

People come up to me and they thank me: 'I thank you for the many, many hours of laughter.'

If you have no tragedy, you have no comedy. Crying and laughing are the same emotion. If you laugh too hard, you cry. And vice versa.