If you can't stand yourself, neither can anybody else!
If you listen to a language for 15 minutes, you know the rhythm and song.
If I don't believe it, I don't care.
After all those years of doing a live, hour-and-a-half show every week, I've got nothing more I need to prove.
The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.
When I did comedy I made fun of myself. If there was a buffoon, I played the buffoon. And people looked at me and said, "Gee, that's like Uncle David", or "That's like a friend of mine.". And they related through that. I didn't make fun of them. I made fun of me.