Life is like a musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Very popular and not as bad as some would have you believe. That is, unspeakably awful but mercifully brief.

It is the vanity of women to spend hours in front of the mirror. It is the vanity of men not to bother.

I don't worry about losing my looks. It's finding them on someone else that worries me.

When you look in the mirror and despair and none of your clothes seem appropriate, relax, put the kettle on. It might suit you.

I've got nothing against any individual American, except that there aren't any. They're always Irish-American, African-American... There's never an American-American you can blame.

He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool. He who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance.

All men are brothers. Hence war.