I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin. If that ever happens, it's only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the mouth of the character.

With Late Night Show I can begin the search for the real Stephen Colbert.I just hope I don't find him on Ashley Madison.

Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.

Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.

The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun

In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.

It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.