I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does.

...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.

Can accidentally eating halal food make you Muslim? Yes, the same way drinking a cosmo can make you gay.

When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.

I love being onstage, I love the relationship with the audience.

You don't want to just do a joke because it works - we can make a lot of jokes work - you want to do a joke because it will hopefully build into an argument.

Usually when Donald Trump wants to keep someone out of military service, he just fakes a doctor's note saying he has a foot injury. It worked fine for him during Vietnam.