I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.

Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

So what? A lobbyist cheated Indian tribes out of $25 million then laundered their money through phony Christian charities trying to stop other Indian tribes from getting casinos [on screen: 'Thou Shalt Not Compete'] and bribe congressmen in the process. Know what I call that? I call that business as usual in Washington. [on screen: 'Screwing Indians']

I thought Black Friday was when everyone puts on blackface and steals children from Wal-Mart.

I spent my first two years at a small all-male college in Virginia called Hampden-Sydney. That was like going to college 120 years ago. The languages, a year of rhetoric, all of the great books, Western Man courses, stuff like that.

Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.

Nothing is more vintage than dying of Rubella.