Last night was Super Tuesday - a 10-state GOP Primary orgy. A big, sweaty pile of lever-yankin Republican voters. And like most orgies, it involves a bunch of middle aged guys who are not appealing to women.

If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.

Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he's a high school junior.

The Yankees' Facebook page was hacked. The hacker was immediately purchased and signed to a 5 year contract with the Yankees.

The trouble with the jokes is that once they're written, I know how they're supposed to work, and all I can do is not hit them. I'm more comfortable improvising. If I have just two or three ideas and I know how the character feels, what the character wants, everything in between is like trapeze work.

Corporations have free speech, but they can't speak like you and me. They don't have mouths or hands.

There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.