Last night was Super Tuesday - a 10-state GOP Primary orgy. A big, sweaty pile of lever-yankin Republican voters. And like most orgies, it involves a bunch of middle aged guys who are not appealing to women.

Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)

The Yankees' Facebook page was hacked. The hacker was immediately purchased and signed to a 5 year contract with the Yankees.

Gravitas is the soup bone in the stew of television news.

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.

The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.

I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.