I'm getting angry at liberals.

‎You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!

I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.

I'll make fun of anybody. We're all about falling down and going boom on camera.

Apply Truth liberally to the inflamed area.

The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.

John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody's compensating for his small government.