...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.

I stand by this man (President George W. Bush). I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound.. with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

You seem cynical because you're always talking about that selfish behavior that's dressed up as altruism. It doesn't mean there isn't altruism. It just means that it's harder to make jokes about altruism.

I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it's more than that. It's an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids.

Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard.

I'm a junkie for exhaustion, and I'm a junkie for setting up my expectations too high and then trying to meet them.

Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.