I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
Stephen ColbertI like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
Stephen ColbertI don't know a lot about politics. I like talking about human behavior. Politicians are funny to me because they often say one thing and behave a different way.
Stephen Colbert...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.
Stephen Colbert