All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.

Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.

A lot of people have said, "Oh, I, boy, I wish Hillary Clinton would just go away."

It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.

You should spend more time with your families; write that novel you've always wanted to write. You know, the one about the fearless reporter who stands up to the administration. You know - fiction.

After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!