Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.

With Late Night Show I can begin the search for the real Stephen Colbert.I just hope I don't find him on Ashley Madison.

Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.

A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?

What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'?

Equations are the devil's sentences.

Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?