I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
Stephen ColbertChristianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.
Stephen ColbertOf the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
Stephen Colbert