I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.

Republicans: the party that brought us 'Just Say No.' First as a drug policy, then as their entire platform.

The only thing that gets me high is the musky scent of my enemy's fear

Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo!

Now I don't know why he's denying them habeas corpus. I can only assume the guys they got detained over there did something really unforgivable. Like remind Obama he was once a professor of Constitutional Law.

I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!

If you repeat it, it's true. If you repeat it, it's true. And through repetition, something becomes true. If you repeat it enough. Until it becomes true. Or do I need to repeat that for you?