I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me. That's why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you're talking about the gap between what people say and what they do.
Stephen ColbertSo if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
Stephen ColbertYoung girls are obsessed with having a thigh gap. I blame the impossible body standards set by Spongebob.
Stephen ColbertThere's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.
Stephen ColbertI imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
Stephen Colbert