Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.

We all know why [the generals] are so critical of the defense secretary. They're being defensive because they weren't able to implement his brilliant plan [on screen: Operation 'Greet Us As Liberators']. It was so simple: Go in with 100,000 troops, topple the regime, everybody loves us, and we leave by Easter 2003. These ex-military men have their right to their opinions, that's fine. They just shouldn't voice them during a war [on screen: 'Loose Lips Sink Approval Ratings']

Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody's compensating for his small government.

I'm proud of my ability to understand what somebody else is trying to do and help them achieve it, because part of the aesthetic of improvisation is service. We don't lead, we only follow. You never say no. Serve the servant, follow the follower. And that's very valuable in your life, as well as very valuable in your work.

Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.