We will try to honor David Letterman achievement by doing the best show we can.And occasionally making the network very mad at us.

Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair.

Can accidentally eating halal food make you Muslim? Yes, the same way drinking a cosmo can make you gay.

Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.

It's official. Highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi Mind Trick.

If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.

I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory