We will try to honor David Letterman achievement by doing the best show we can.And occasionally making the network very mad at us.

I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to the death.

'Sympathy for the Devil' is just another way of saying 'Compassionate Conservative'.

The most common thing that real reporters say to me is, "I wish I could say what you say." What I don't understand is, why can't they say what I say, even in their own way? Does that mean they want to be able to name certain bald contradictions or hypocrisies that politicians have?

President Bush, have a hot dog with me.

Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.

I'm a junkie for exhaustion, and I'm a junkie for setting up my expectations too high and then trying to meet them.