Atheism: the religion devoted to the worship of one's own smug sense of superiority.
Stephen ColbertThanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.
Stephen ColbertYou can change the world. Please don't do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going now.
Stephen Colbert