I love the earth. If you ask me it's the greatest planet in the world.

Atheism: the religion devoted to the worship of one's own smug sense of superiority.

Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.

You can change the world. Please don't do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going now.

The only thing that keeps us going back to one another is that we're all filled with such enormous self-doubt. We have doubts about our ability to be alone, to self-actualize.

Nothing is more vintage than dying of Rubella.

We are the shadow cast by real people. And that shadow changes shape as the news cycle changes shape, so you always have fresh dirt to dig in.