I love the earth. If you ask me it's the greatest planet in the world.

The more you know, the sadder you get.

We have no desire to make anybody look like a blithering idiot, but we do love it when they do.

There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.

Tomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags. Where tax and spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh... and everybody's high!

Speak from the balls, not from the diaphram.

If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.